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Miriam speaks of her healing journey.  It takes courage and hope.  She lost hope when she was a child.  But has stayed strong.  Now hope springs eternal in her adult life.  But she has blocked her childhood.  She has much to be grateful for and much to be proud of.  Slowly she heals.

While reading The Courage to Heal I read of courage and hope.  It has taken great courage to face my fears.  But this book that I am using to guide me through my healing spoke about hope.  It said that in my childhood I had given up hope.  I hadn’t even realized it.  I have always been a positive and hopeful person.  The book asked me to think of my childhood, in the language that I was speaking then, and to free write about a time that I gave up hope.  I have blocked my childhood.  I hardly remember any of it.  It is my teenage years that I remember.  If you remember free writing is when you write without thought of grammar or spelling and write what you are feeling.  If you get blocked then you continue writing and repeat until you are unblocked.  They also say in the book to use the language that you were using when the abuse occurred.  In this case in my childhood.  I gave up hope as a child.  I free wrote for 20 minutes.  It was difficult.  Sometimes I blocked and in the end I was drawing too.  I cried.  I remembered a little.  So the free writing is helping me to remember.  It was very therapeutic.  The book went on afterwards to talk of what I hope for and then realistic goals that I can make to reach what I am hoping for.  To heal was the most common goal.  Happiness is what I hoped for and to obtain that happiness for myself and my family, I have to heal.

My last post told you that I had had a difficult week.  I couldn’t write, barely painted and didn’t walk much.  But it was different because I was facing some major fears.  So yesterday I took a day for me.  I drove around looking for a gym and then pampered myself.  An afternoon just for me.  I needed the time for a pause in my life.  This morning I woke rejuvenated and eager to start the day.

Then wham! I do the free writing.  Now I laugh but it was intense.  I have always been a positive and optimistic person.  The way that I have coped has been to be calm and logical.  But I have blocked my childhood.  Now to heal I believe that I have to remember.  To remember I have to do free writing on a regular basis.  It is a powerful tool.

Slowly I heal.  I am doing my warriors mask to give me courage.  I have decided that my totem animal is the snow leopard.  I have found a wolf celtic design for my mask.  I will adapt it to portray a snow leopard.  Then I will paint it on my mask.  However I am in trouble because my one daughter told me that my sword and shield had to match.  So I presume that my warrior’s mask has to match the sword and shield.  So that means that I have to redesign my sword and shield to be celtic in nature.  All with the snow leopard celtic design.  That’s a lot of work!  I’ll keep you posted.

Sorry I should have posted this yesterday.  I completely forgot but here you have it now!  Until next time…