Bluebirds and Morning Glory WPress

Miriam writes now of her day yesterday.  She has learned something new.

I posted a poem two days ago…I remember now.  It was one of anger and the most emotion that I have showed about a bad experience in my childhood.  I shared it with you because it healed to write the poem but also it healed to share it in the hopes that it would help someone else.  It was very therapeutic.

After I wrote the poem I had a cup of orange spice tea with milk.  I cried two tears.  The first time that I had cried for an innocence lost, a childhood lost.  I was angry for the first time.  Angry at the person who did bad things to me.  And I was sad.  Then I repressed what I was feeling.  Those two tears was all that I allowed myself to feel.

The next day I was functional in the morning.  Then around 11:00 am I was lost.  I couldn’t focus.  I ate three meals in the space of an hour.  Quick meals.  I couldn’t concentrate on my art or even writing.  I just sat and watched the television.  I was scared and had a sense of impending doom.  I thought of bad things that could happen to me.  I was more and more depressed and lost.  I wasn’t scared but depressed.

I reached out and called a counselor asking them what I should do.  They recommended that I own the day.  That I allow myself this day to just sit and watch television.  Not to stress about it but to accept it as a day that I just watch television.  I did this and the sense of doom was still upon me.  I calmed myself and trusted in God.  I had survived this long and with God’s help I would survive the day as well.

So there are days when you have anxiety that you are not functional and that the world seems to come down upon you.  Stay calm and accept the day for what it is if your usual coping mechanisms (ie art) don’t help.  A day of rest.  A day to stay calm.  A day to try and stay positive.  Reach down into yourself and find your own personal strength to fight the depression on days like this.  But allow yourself to wallow for the day.  Turn off your phone.  Accept that you are not functional.  Spoil yourself.  Watch television.  Have that cup of tea.  Have a bath.  Pamper yourself and heal.

Heal my friend heal.

Please comment below.  It gives me strength to hear comments.  Please like or share on Facebook, Twitter or Tumblr.  Writing about my anxiety heals my soul…not as much as my painting but it is a release.  A sort of confession.  Hopefully this post has helped you.