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Miriam speaks of her healing journey.  She is finding it hard to follow her usual routine.  She is learning about speaking up.  Slowly she heals.

I am sorry that I didn’t post on Thursday.  I am forgetting my schedule completely.  I even forget at times that I’m working on the computer.  I am distracted.  It has to do with reading The Courage to Heal and remembering.  I am also reading about breaking the silence.  If one starts talking of abuse one has to be careful because the person may be compassionate or confrontational.  The compassionate one is the easier one to talk to.  They will understand and show compassion.  The confrontational one will challenge the abuse and it will be harder to talk to them.  When talking to the compassionate one one has to still prepare.  One should think of what they want to say, how much they want to say, what they don’t want to say and what they don’t want the listener to do.  One should also think carefully of where they will talk and when.  One should think hard and be sure that the person will be compassionate.  If the person listening has also been subjected to abuse they may deny your claims or get very upset themselves.  Or go blank.  One never knows.  I still haven’t read how to talk with the confrontational person.  I have one in mind and fear talking to them about this.  But at the same time I want to protect them from knowing about this.  I also thought of talking to a friend.  She would be compassionate.  It will be hard to talk to her but I think that that is the next step in my healing.  I think that the more people I tell the more I will heal.  I’d like to thank you all at this point because it has been very therapeutic to write about my healing process to all of you.  It has helped a lot to write it all down.  Thank you.  From the bottom of my heart!  Thank you.

I don’t know what the next step in the Anxiety and Phobia Workbook is.  I have faced my fears, some of them, and face them in an ongoing way.  Every day I face them.  Sometimes I really force myself.

I have decided to spend more time with my friend.  I had been anxious about seeing her.  But my fears are not real.  They are not interested in me.  I will spend more time with my friend rather than just concentrating on my children.  I need more out of life.  I also want to start to clean up my house a bit.  But I have a major block about cleaning.  I just realized how major it is.  I’ll have to work on that.

Slowly I heal…until next time…