samuel-scrimshaw-361563 500 pi

I have come to a place in my healing journey that needs effort and attention.  I have to analyse when I block things out which takes time.  And I’m looking at negative beliefs from childhood.  Slowly I heal.

It’s hard for me to analyze when I block things out since I do it subconsciously.  With the help of a form I am recording the date and time, how long it was, what I was doing, who was with me and what they were doing, how I was feeling and what was disturbing me.  In addition since I block out my thoughts when I am anxious I rate my fear, I rate the belief in the negative thought, I rate my belief in a positive counter statement, and then I rate the subsequent belief in the initial negative thought and my emotion at that time.  With this I hope to better understand when I block things out and why.  But it’s taking a big effort because I don’t think about it when I’m doing it.  I am so used to doing it that it’s hard to pin point when I’m doing it.  If that makes sense.

I am also looking at negative beliefs.  I have about 30 of them.  For each one I am trying to see if it’s true all the time, if it’s promoting healing and whether it stems from childhood.  Some of my negative beliefs are due to a bad experience I had as a child.  Some are due to the way that I was brought up.  For each negative belief I am trying to formulate a positive affirmation that can help me stop believing in that negative belief.  This is work.  I plan to take the list of 30 affirmations and look at them every day trying to make them part of my thinking process.  Hopefully that will help.  But it’s work!  And it takes time!

Slowly I heal…