park dec 2017 500 pi

I survived Christmas with happiness and courage.  Slowly I heal.

My mother came down for Christmas.  It was great having her here.  For the first time in a long time I was the only one to take care of her.  Sure we visited others and my daughter got her room ready but I was the one to feed her, entertain her and drive her places.  I am quite proud.  I succeeded in doing everything that was needed even though I was anxious.  The worse part was the anxiety about driving.  My flee or fight mechanism has been so affected by my illness that I get anxious about everyday things now.  Before it was fear of bad people but now it is fear of driving and with winter conditions being what they are it is doubly anxious.  But I figured out that fear of little things happening is also my mother’s trait so that’s where I get it from.  We are both anxious about the same things.  That’s an improvement though.  I am no longer anxious about bad people.

It was a joy to spend time with a loved one…my mother.  We spent many a moment together.  Something that I’ll cherish forever.  I cooked for her.  I even made a new chicken and bean stew for her that she loved.  She appreciated me taking care of her!  And she recognized that I was doing better.

I have done nothing with my positive affirmations.  I took a break for Christmas.  I have to buy different colored squares of paper to do it properly.  I am going to write down positive affirmations that I have come up with now on one color of paper.  Any new positive affirmations I will write down on a different colored paper.  Then I will put them in a bowl and draw one every day for inspiration.  I may go out and buy the paper today.  It is quite cold out so I’ll wait for it to warm up.

I’ve had a good Christmas.  I am proud of myself.  I did well.  I have taken a giant step in my healing since last Christmas.  It took a lot of courage.  You use courage every day that you face your mental illness.  Courage to move forward and take positive steps in your healing!